Ode to Melancholy

下面这些是几支个人最喜欢的非主流组合，有很多可能会让人吃惊，或无法接受，当然他们也有很多好听的主流作品。

Evanescence: 其实就流行度说来，已可以算主流乐队。最爱Amy lee的女高音破瓶。灵魂的呐喊与震撼。代表作：Bring me to life.歌词和她的嗓音一样，绚烂、凄烈而绝美，无可挑剔地爱上。

TATU: 最近刚发现的组合（老土了）。俄罗斯两个貌似蕾丝边的组合。介于女人与女童之间的尤物，用音乐张狂着属于自己极端的美丽。残忍的温柔，猛烈的清纯。lolita的小妖！音乐空灵而清澈，可以柔软地穿透你的骨头。代表作：30 minutes。不要晚上听，会勾走你的灵魂的……

Jazz amor：爵士情人，无法不爱的德国组合。甜蜜而性感的嗓音，代表作就太多了，虽然主要是翻唱，可是绝对超越原作，并加上微微颓废及慵懒的爵士风，从肉体到灵魂都是舒服的。最爱她们翻唱的Ain't no sunshine. 此外翻唱的fly me to the moon，蒸馏了原本古典的香颂味道，用电子乐赋予其现代元素感。

Xandria： 仙朵拉，德国哥特金属。音乐跨度较大，属于她们的古典，血腥，温柔，暴力，传统，另类，颓废，优雅。最主流也是最符合传统审美的一首便是 Eversleeping.其他的曲子风格还是差异较大的。

Within Temptation：哥特金属，荷兰女声，有点nightwish的感觉，但比夜愿柔美。说到金属乐大家都觉得是很吵的，其实细细品味来，轰轰烈烈的并非都是喧嚣，之中的魅力和深情是相当触动人心，从迷人的冷调的神秘开始导入，爆发出辽阔而深远的张力！

nightwish：夜愿。哥特金属必备音乐，无人不知！女声主唱是有着古典美声训练的（忘了名字）。音乐一般都很吵，会毒害小朋友。最爱的更是她们的歌词，绝对纯洁无邪，用成熟的嗓音歌颂绝望中仍然坚守的童真和纯洁无邪。

Blue Foundation ：一首As I moved on是让人无法不着迷的神秘、空灵和甜美。然而差不多也就这一首能被接受了……

暂时想到这么些了，有好的再贴上来。乍一看，怎么好像都是gothic metal的？
当初拉乌听到我喜欢听evanescence，惊掉下巴。要是知道我居然还喜欢金属，会不会扑街。
没有办法，我就是热爱极端的结合的美丽。诱惑的纯真，成熟的简单，古典的现代，喧嚣的宁静，残忍的温柔。
的确不是令感官愉悦的层次，却是在第一次接触到我的耳朵时直接穿梭到心灵深处，那份触动让我无法不爱。

嗯，不是我另类，其实至于主流的呢喜欢的更是大把大把，年幼的时候喜欢听britney, BSB,westlife, savage garden,还有five, blue, cranberries,妇孺皆知的，够主流够pop了吧！只是纯粹为了感官取悦而已。

In the morning, one of my students asked me : how're your eyes so swollen today?
When I told another girl about this, she said: It looks like you cried bitterly last night, did you?

Last night, a dream, once I thought had been so far away from me, struck me again unexpectedly.
It was a long-expected sweet pain. 

I couldn't remember whether I cried or not, but my eyes were brimming over with tears.
All the past overwhemed me, the sorrowful ecstacy.

the deeply deep emotion which I thought had already evaded me for long, retrieved out from my subconsciousness all in a sudden, and, sadly, only in my dreams.

I knew the feeling would be diluted by times, so I couldn't help writing them down, although my words cannot give a vivd depiction by 50percent.

I just wish I could never forget. 

Reality is too cruel, maybe dreams is the only best and safest residence for those reveries. If only it could be true.
I never knew how deep my affection actually is.

ONLY WHEN I SLEEP      ---The Corrs

You are only just a dreamboat
Sailing in my head
You swim my secret oceans
Of coral blue and red
Your smell is incense burning
Your touch is silken yet
It reaches through my skin
And moving from within
It clutches at my breast
But its only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe
Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep
And when I wake from slumber
Your shadows disappear
Your breath is just a sea mist
Surrounding my body
I am workin through the daytime
But when its time to rest
I am lying in my bed
Listening to my breath
Falling from the edge
But its only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe
Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep

Its only when I sleep
Sharon instrumental
Its reaching through my skin
Movin from within
Clutches at my breasts
But its only when I sleep....
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe
In bed I lie
No need to cry
My sleeping cry
Hawaiian High 


------To a precious memory deep in my heart.

http://podcache.cctv.com/published1/2007/10/02/pub1191285241801.mp3 

I could not blame anyone for labelling me as 'outdated' , who, a 3-year stayer in Cantong, should had never been to HK or Macau. Tired of the stagnant life and running out of cosmetics, I decided to take a trip to HK .....today!

Thanks for the nice help and guidance of two sisters from GDUFS, I had the tour itinerary well scheduled and smoothly carried out with their company. When they were not by my side, I had to use Mandarin to ask for help. Luckily and unluckily, almost all of them can speak Mandarin to a limited extent, which destroyed my opportunity and necessaty to practise my poor Cantonese~~:) 

Generally speaking, I hate crowded places, but HK is an exception. It's a clean, ordered, and secured city, despite the busy traffic, rush crowds, narrow streets, strips of skies between skycrapers, fast-tempoed esculators...Instead of feeling bothered and escaping, you feel rather warm by the embrace of friendly people, it made me reviewed the feeling of living,  just as the old feeling in Canton~rather than feeling empty and working. 

When I asked for advise from Amy, she just told me :" Control yourself and stay calm in purchasing." HK trully deserves the name of 'shopping paradise'! The goods are of good quality and cheap.  I thought and had confidence that I would spend within HKD 1000, but finally I failed, becuz there're really too many worth buying. Most of the stores offer delicate and chosen commodities of a much higher ranking than in mainlain. The foods are a bit pricy but neat and clean. By the way, all the restaurants and toilets are old, crowded, but very much maintained and free from unpleasant odor.

itinerary: Huanggang--Mong Kok---Central---Causeway Bay---Wanchai----Huanggang ( Tsim Sha Tsui missed for lack of time)

purchased list (99.9% skin care!!!!!):

shiseido UV whitening protector;
Arden cleanser;
LANEIGE balancing emulsion;
BORGHESE green mud;
Arden Beauty perfum ( my second skin, haha);
Clarins eye contour balm;
ESTEE LAUDER foaming cleanser;
Kanebo White and acne essence;
Missha nail polish;
Revlon nail polish remover;
loshi milk cleanser;
EL lip stick;
clinique lip stick;
Dior eye makeup remover (sample);
Dior clarifying lotion (50ml);
severel bottles of facial oil....for me and mom
Arden makeup remover(eye and lip)

some health food for both me and my parents...
some of them are really cheap....,just some, haha

I also took some photos, am gonna share them with you later on.

  



冇咩钱买DC，都系mobile拍摄而成，效果一般，多多包涵～
图片比较大，要自己拉伸调整，很麻烦唉

Shanghai Dream是Mike很早前传给我的一首MP3，由于此人经常喜欢不打招呼莫名其妙传输自己喜欢的音乐，因此一直没有试听。某日闲时，点击播放，流淌的旋律竟如旧日阳光，撒满记忆的味道，细腻而体贴，却因为Intangibility，而有一丝丝抹不去的感伤，萦绕。

“回忆这东西若是有气味的话，那就是樟脑的香。
甜而稳妥，像记得分明的快乐；
甜而怅惘，像忘却了的忧愁。”

张爱玲若得在世，漂泊海外的那个老妇，是否也会感喟同时。

给我的感觉，竟是颇为类似chopin的C小调夜曲，同样的跳跃的欢欣，同样的隐秘的感伤。跳跃的是昨日，隐秘的是今朝。

忍不住在网上下载了全套的Shanghai Dream,99年出自江天之手的作品，99年的自己，却是沉迷于clayderman之类大众主流化旋律的小女孩，无品味，也无心境赏析兼感慨如此好的精品。或许选择现在的遇见，亦不失为一宗幸事，有岁月和沉淀的积累，不至于以一颗不成熟的心亵渎这样颗颗音符皆是珠玑的作品。

对于江天来说，对于上海所有的情感，都被他或浓或淡地灌输到了这一本专辑之中，轻柔的碰触，流水般似不着痕迹，只有相似的人，才能震撼到其中静水流深的，深深的，深深的眷恋的情感，却又是一种淡淡的，淡淡的，无奈和感伤，昨日的美丽和阳光，经历过了，回首之刻，却都如昨宵的一个美丽的梦，消逝了，只有心头挥不去的，深情的向往。

江天的上海，我的昨日，便如此这般，是我们永远也无法再触摸到的美丽。

很早就想为它写点什么，却总是词穷加浮躁。于是选择沉默，以此不为亵渎。
过了很多个没有文字的日子，小小畅快淋漓一次。

昨宵灯已逝，今夜梦犹残。

This dizzy afternoon we TOEICed finally! The first comprehensive English test even taken in these three years!

As the feeling of taking examinations had already evaded me for suuuuuuuch a long time, it became relatively harder for me to recollect the status. I knew the importance of this test but I hardly have the time and energy to cram, just comforting myself that I still have time and there's no hurry. It was not after last week that I got the sudden news that the test would befall us today that I began to take it a bit more seriously at the expense of giving up many recreations. Although I was not quite in the status when taking the exams and was a bit down afterward, now I just feel relieved that I finally regained freedom in doing other things, be the result good or bad, I don't wanna care it any more!! Yahoo~~Hooray!!

终于脱离了闭关的日子。自从上周惊闻TOEIC本日降临，赶紧临时填鸭，放弃娱乐，埋头做题（时间三天）。本以为来日遥遥，还逍遥自在，看着科室狼烟四起，同志们齐心协力奋战的劲头，还认为考期遥远，成天背着个电脑逍遥楼上天天上课。直到考试真的要来的，才心生恐慌，上周末电脑都没带回家，睡觉做题，立志不能丢脸。

今天考试自认为保证了充足的休息，并且咖啡上阵，哪知道还是头晕脑胀，精力实在无法集中，听力蒙了好几个，心里一急就状态越来越差，好在阅读由于空出了比较充裕的时间检查，倒是查出几个超级低级错误，实在看着心慌慌。不过自认为阅读已经发挥出最大力量，再错我也是没有怨言，只是听力实在发挥得太烂，可怜听力分值又大，估计这次发挥不了正常水平。

根据个人经验，考TOEIC语言能力不高，题目弱智得空前绝后，考试的状态和精力却是很重要，一定要在2个小时内时刻保持全神贯注，高度集中，否则就超级容易走神和犯低级错误，因为TOEIC的特点在于难度低，题量大，误导性强。马大哈类型和自以为是类型的去考TOEIC是最要小心的。对每一道题，一定要稳打稳抓，这样才能将错误率降低到最小。

根据仅有的做过几套模拟题看来，如果正常发挥，应该分数是在900左右，不过今天发挥得真的很烂，头要爆炸，只能阿弥陀佛，这个分数看来要烧香难保。既已经考了，心情自然舒畅，管他那么多呢，又不是不可以再考。总之我可以自由了，娃哈哈，今天终于把电脑带回来了！

It was not tonight, but the night of last Saturday, when a halloween party was celebrated in our company. I didn't write anything until now, I don't want to but I have to.

The decoration was so adoroably fantastic and 100% eye-catching everywhere in the small ballroom, with exotic cute music prevailing and beating all around and people wearing fancy costumes and various ghosty make-ups. Halloween, known as the 'festival of ghost' in the Western world, should have also been an important date even for our colleague from a country in South America. This fact was, unfortunately, out of my expectation and somewhat surprised me. As soon as they, the foreign ladies, gentlemen, and kids rushed into the ballroom in a row, hilarious and crazy atmosphere quickly filled in the whole room. I, being a typical Chinese and incompatible with this atmophere, would prefer to be an outsider who would only admit her eyes to enjoy the feast of other people's indulgence  into the happiness without letting her body to be involved, except for, occasionally, there would always appear those cute cute little kids running here and there, so adorable that I couldn't help smiling and laughing and having the impulse to hold them, like a pre-mature mother. Brazil is a nation of unchained zest and enthusiasm, which was, however, failed to influence and assimilate me, but instead, made me even more reserved. It seems the noise outside was no more than a contrast to my quietness and tranquility inside, which I deeply enjoy and cherish, although not revealed some times.

Speaking of tranquility, these days I had always been addicted to gym. I began to love those streneous exercises with high and rapid rhythm, like aerobics, latin and belly dance, etc. rather than those exercise of slow movement like yoga. Althought I was not a good dancer, I deeply enjoy the process of moving, jumping and sweating. Every time I finished I found myself happier and full of zest toward life, the change was so incredible to me, as if changed another person. ...However, the past me returned after the Holloween party. Myself just feel tired of those movement of high rhythm and I found myself hating the exciting and hot melodies, which makes me feel sader; once again I began to love those tranquil melodies, like peaceful piano, to caress my heart. I hate to see myself jump and move like a beatle, I dislike sports once again. I hope it's just temporarily.

After the Halloween night, the phantom spirit haunted me once again.
After the Halloween night, sorrow once again silently grew up inside.
After the Halloween night, I only wanna the peaceful melodies to be surrounded.
After the Halloween night, I just wanna dance something classical.

Believe me, I'm always happy, it was only becuz I hardly write anything down in my happiness. Don't worry, I know I will be all right. I promise, I would always keep smiling before the public.

There're always some moods beyond my organization, so I prefer to keep silent.

发现自己最近陷入了一个很有趣的怪圈，不写点过去，就写不出任何文字；或者说，非得等到一切的现在熬成了过往，才能写点东西。就在刚才，我忽然想起了一段早已遗忘的岁月。现在才惊觉，原来人的人生便是这般在点滴之间，不经意地确定的。

大四考研后的岁月便是招聘会，小女子两手抓，两手都硬，同时还报了北大新传院的一个国际新闻采编二学位。学院里的就业公报栏也是内容丰富，林林总总。某日便看到了一条某卡通影视公司来我院招兼职配音演员的公告。

面试的当天，我记得上午便是一场重要的招聘会。等到招聘会结束后我方迟到走到面试的教室，满满堂堂全屋都是人，男男女女，不乏众多戏剧社的骨干。没有想太多，只是想凑个好玩。面试的内容依稀记得好像是给一段多角色的动画片英文subtitle，让现场直接用中文演绎三个不同角色。轮到我的时候，我感觉自己发挥得尚好，因为从小就喜欢模仿电视的配音，而且假音弹性大又夸张，感觉用声音诠释三个角色的区别还是做得比较好的。如我所料，当晚就通知我去公司进行第二轮面试。

第二轮面试是现场试音，录音并分析。让我惊讶的是一教室的人只挑出了5个左右来参加最后试音，导演让我们先听一段配音，然后进行模仿。事后莉莉告诉我说，当你模仿的录音一放出来，我就知道你肯定选上了，因为在场的人都惊讶居然和原配如出一辙。于是我也就稀里糊涂成为了唯一一个最后入选的。

此后，便是开始了正式的录音。第一次进录音棚，却是娴熟地戴上耳机，对着话筒，一招一式都仿佛曾经就很熟悉。第一次录音的时候，导演对我很严格，经常一句话要重复录上3、4次。等到第二次录音的时候，就基本都是全部一遍过了。后来调音师告诉我，说我录音悟性很高，和我录音很轻松，效率很高，不像有的人，每次一句话都要反复录上好多遍。直到现在，回想起那个录音棚，我还能回想起那些驾轻就熟的感觉。不过，真的已经很久远了。

公司名，我以前没听过，叫三辰卡通影视集团。说这个不熟悉，说蓝猫很多小朋友就知道。我们录的是两部英语教材，叫《蓝猫淘气小学英语600句》，和《蓝猫淘气小学英语900句》。剧本编纂和翻译是一个英国华侨小姑娘，叫圆圆，说她老家是江西的，从小在英国长大，干这个是暂时回国觉得好玩。我们的导演是一个非常有气质的lady，一看就是年轻时候作传媒的，优雅高贵而精干，经常给我们配音时候给建议，比如如何夸张口型之类。有时候要配一天，我们就在那个小院子里黑乎乎的食堂一起吃饭，食堂虽然小而黑，伙食却很不错。有时候，我坐在楼下传达室，也会翻翻看桌上那些来自全国各地稚嫩的小手迹：蓝猫收。谁能想到著名的蓝猫，就生产至这样隐蔽的地方一栋灰暗的，租来的居民楼？

后来，导演说公司准备招人，剧本编辑翻译兼配音，收了很多简历，让我也跟着他们一起考。考题就是两页动画片剧本的翻译，对于刚考研过后的我说来，只是皮毛之痒。那天后导演找我聊天了，想拉我入伙，说公司准备发展为集团，新楼新基地已经盖起来了，劝我好好考虑。我那时候满门心思全在考研，全在广外，对此实在没动一丝的心。

时隔3年，蓝猫的岁月忽然地串过我脑袋，忽然想到，假如没有考上研究生，也许，或者，我会进入这个公司，那也就是进入传媒业？动画产业？平心而论，那是很适合我的一个产业，至今我还是想假如有可能，我想做一个少儿英语节目的主持人，当个“佳妮姐姐”或“乘月姐姐”之类的孩子王，将会是多么开心。……不过，适合我的和梦想的都很多，如何用有限的人生将他们都丰富一遍？至今想到被自己放弃的孩子王产业，仍是带着感激和微笑，为它曾给我带来的美好的回忆。我没有去调查过那套教材究竟在市场上卖得如何，自然也至今无法亲自看到自己的名字印在包装上的样子。只希望，至今还能有几个小孩，跟着我那夸张而搞笑的声音读着英语且快乐地，笑出咯咯的声音来。

只想提醒自己，真正的人，无论被上帝分配了怎样的道路，都可以踩到成功，也许道路有所不同，不同的只是付出的多少。任何的任何，都是人生的丰富和经验！

国庆蹭公司的机组车去了广州，车轮载着我流转时光。看一年多的时间，岁月，沧桑和改变从身上剥落，曾经的曾经脱胎而出。 

白云国际机场，novotel酒店。

回市区的路上，呼吸着记忆陈旧的气息。看昨天梦一般游走在车窗的四周。

昨天的自己，仿佛又回来了；虽然，街道已经带着陈旧的味道。

我去了芙蓉租住的家中，90年代灰暗的楼层，里面虽简朴却温馨。她亲自下厨给我做饭，边做边聊天，聊过去，聊现在，将来。
一年多后第一次重逢的时候，不由自主地拥抱，看彼此曾经熟悉的面庞，是曾经一起练歌准备晚会试礼服化妆的日子。
她是个多愁善感的女孩，时常会发条短信问候：
我在宿舍听我们曾经的蝴蝶花，我还想听到你的歌声。

看电脑中她的毕业照片，才知道，连她们，也都离开了。
曾经为她们准备迎新晚会的场景，还历历在目，还在这个博客的前页。

打车去了钱柜，看到了莹和lawrac。夜晚的车一路载过从化，曾经兼职的路途；至冒峰山。半山腰的鱼香，民航人士的侃侃而谈。

去广外一教看到了国庆放假还在给学生批改作文的橙子，走在一教的每个角落，果如电影中的场景，我看到曾经的我，穿着那条裙子和黑色的上衣，披着个当初刚来的卷发，和男姐，耗子，嘻嘻哈哈走在去上课或听讲座的路上。偶尔还有老大和青青的笑声。

刹那间，一切却又在眼前消失了。广袤的广场上，只剩下一个如今的我。

和老土匪去了曾经的云山咖啡屋，年轻的waitress师妹给我们usher the seat,我却坚持要坐在那个窗边的位置。那个曾经熟悉的地方。上一次，也是第一次来云山咖啡，是第一次来到广外的那天，我和杀青一杯咖啡的聊天，同样的桌子，同样的座位，同样的夕阳，同样的云山，只是我记得，当初的云山会堂，还是一片工地。

在随后的岁月，云山会堂，是铭刻多少记忆的地方。

夜晚的北京路。

卡茜姐姐家还是用的lux的沐浴露，aupres的洁面膏，Gatineau的卸妆乳，换了是resume的shampoo。
姐姐肚子大了，要生小外甥女了。
米娜姐姐还是青春活力装。

好了，不乱想了。回到深圳后好不容易才把心调回来的。
再如何的好，我最美好的岁月，也已经无法超越地过去了。

啊啊啊，面向未来。


曾经的yunshan cafe





cocktail的名字叫红粉佳人～

 笑得很勉强，因为不想笑

 云山书屋，记得吗



那条道路。

昨天过中秋了。

上午，小朋友们要唱歌，于是唱歌。小朋友们私自看电影，想关，全班哇哇大轰动，于是坐到下面和他们一起看。

下午，没有课。

回家，困，隐形没取，妆没卸，灯没开，睡衣一换照例倒床上，醒来时一片黑暗。
于是爬起，勉强开灯，光有点刺眼。开电脑，关灯看看电影。

期间一直在思索，我的之前几个中秋是如何过的？
不记得了。

手机没电，记起来换块电池。突然短信爆棚，提醒了我曾经的中秋日子。
不变的是太多的短信祝福。
又忽然想到04年中秋和橙子龙兄勇哥大闹的情景。某女还被勇哥气哭。哈哈。

吃了一块半小月饼，回回短信，网上聊了几句，洗澡睡觉。

今天早上饭堂遇到Jennifer，说起昨天晚上去中山公园湖边赏月，忽然想起04年和姐姐她们一起在天河公园划船赏月的情景了。

自从来到深圳，不过中秋。
所谓中秋。

Before I was driven out of my former resident( a cozy room actually) I took some snapshots as a reminder, here I would like to share with you my former cozy cozy sweet place.


overview


the desk

 

 closet



closer shots:
 
ballet shoes from Xuan
 red wine from a novice pilot, one of my former students


compared with my present residence...I do miss the former one.